Concision - Practice
Review the concision strategies and apply those that make the sentence more concise without losing meaning.
Example: However, on the other hand, the series hybrid may require a larger and more complicated battery than other cars since the electric energy totally replaces gas power to propel the automobile. (31 words)
Revision: However, the series hybrid may require a larger and more complicated battery than other cars since the electric energy totally replaces gas power. (We cut repetition: “on the other hand,” which is wordy, and redundancy: “to propel the automobile.” Most readers know the car’s power propels it.) (23 words)
- Paul Tough uses that quote in the article to be used as a transition from Vanessa’s story to the main topic of the article.
- Students who carry such negative thoughts often end up dropping out instead of seeking for help.
- Feeling like they don’t belong makes students vulnerable and more likely to not try as hard.
- The ingredient corn is one of the most used ingredients in the diets of Mexicans.
- For example, at some point in high school I heard from the grapevine that Christopher Columbus was not the true founder of the United States.
- Now that I know history from the perspectives of both the oppressors and the oppressed, I have become more knowledgeable to understand how the U.S. has gotten to be the racially and economically unequal country that it is today.
- I went to school, and there I learned how to read and write in English, but yet I feel as if I am not entirely entitled to be an American.
- Moreover, with a parallel hybrid car, it uses an internal combustion and electrical engine.
Review the list of strategies, and revise each sentence or group of sentences to create the most concise revisions. You will have to restructure and change words, but make sure you preserve the original meaning.
Example: Most of the time, mothers tend to have a fear of their children being in a place where they don’t fit and try to give other options, not knowing that at the same time it will be crushing their children’s dreams. (41 words)
Revision: Often, mothers fear their children being somewhere they won’t fit in and try to give other options, not realizing they’re crushing their children’s dreams. (24 words)
- The students, at some point, experience these thoughts leading to impacting in a negative way their life.
- The program is set up to help those students reach a higher level of education and with the extra help given to them without revealing the real reason behind it has an effective impact on those student’s life.
- “Pre-med” students who ace in all of their classes think they are better than the other students who didn’t ace in all of their classes because the “pre-med” students think that they are way smarter to be able to ace in all of their classes, unlike the students who didn’t.
- In recent times, technology is presented almost seemingly everywhere. It seems as if the power of technology has taken over. The result of an increase of innovating technology has led individuals to read books through e-readers and tablets, instead of physical books. Although, reading from physical books is helpful, the advantages of using e-readers and tablets is much more helpful and meaningful than reading from a physical book.
- Further in the reading I come to learn that Santiago and her siblings were racially targeted because of their physical traits but inside of her she describes a white male within her that fought for justice because he knew that she belonged in the American society.